I've had to say goodbye to endless hours with this smiling face. Goodbye to a wide expanse of time with no direction other than to love and nurture this little guy. There have been tears - mine, not his - over the past week.
Being a successful business woman and a mom is a complicated thing, and I'm not even going to pretend to understand the half of it. I'm extremely achievement driven. I get a lot personally out of being sucessful at work. I enjoy being challenged in my work and often feel a rush when my plate is full. Work fills me up in a unique way I haven't felt during maternity leave.
Yet since becoming a mom, I've felt more love, more joy, and more grounded than I've ever felt before. It's exciting and scary and fulfulling and overwhelming. Some days I'm absolutely struck by how I'm changed and how thankful I am.
I suppose it's all about balance. I want to raise a confident and self-assured young man. I want to give him room to become his own little person, freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. And I want him to know his mother is always there for him 100% whenever he needs. I hope that being a working mom gives him a little space to grow other important relationships, and that through my work I can be a positive example for him.
I anticipate that starting today, my time with him will be even sweeter. If you're so inclined, you can send this nervous mama good thoughts today.